Laughter Cements Parent-Child Bond

By DIANE PETRYK


PLATTSBURGH — Vince Higgins was a spontaneous laugh-maker when his daughters were growing up.

"I'd be driving down the street with the girls in the back seat and I'd say, 'That guy in that car over there doesn't look very happy — maybe I'd better sing.' And I'd start to roll the window down.

"Debbie, (she was about 8) would moan, 'You're not going to sing,' and she'd slink down in the seat, and Becca (who was about 7) would dissolve into laughter."

And that was before the singing.

At home, the girls sometimes play-act — sometimes they were singers.

"Pretend you're introducing me," one daughter would tell her father.

"Pretend we have other names."

"Pretend we're making a TV show."

Vince would attach a Kleenex box to the top of the upright vacuum cleaner and make believe it was a TV camera.

Pretty soon, everyone was laughing.

LOST LAUGHTER
Higgins' daughters are grown up now, and many in Plattsburgh know him only as "that funny guy at the Cornerstone Bookstore."

He's the one who gives post-it-note encouragement badges and will dance or wear a funny hat, Groucho glasses, a superhero cape or pretend he's secretly from "Planet Z."

Higgins gives customers a bonus — a laugh, the fun of special attention.

A report cited by Susan Kuczmarski, author of "The Sacred Flight of the Teenager: A Parent's Guide to Stepping Back and Letting Go," says children, on average, laugh about 400 times a day. Adults do so only about 15 times.

Why do 385 laughs disappear? Burdens of adult responsibilities and parenthood often sap us of our senses of humor. But it doesn't have to be that way. Parents don't have to come home and be the stern toddler police, middle-schoolers' misery makers and teenagers' constant nag. The sting of a rule, task or disappointment almost magically goes away with a laugh.

"Children are immediately attracted to an adult who's a competent guide and funny — someone who can set guidelines with warmth and immediately segue into something ridiculous," said Anna Maravelas, author of "How to Reduce Workplace Conflict and Stress."

INNER TREADMILL
Scientifically, we know that two things are guaranteed to make us feel better in almost any circumstance: exercise and laughter. Exercise is easy — you can go to the YMCA and swim laps or get on a machine or just run up a few flights of stairs.

Afterward, you have an enhanced sense of well-being.

Laughter is your inner treadmill, according to Debbie Mandel, author of the new book "Addicted to Stress: A Woman's 7 Step Program to Reclaim Joy and Spontaneity in Life."

Finding laughter doesn't seem as easy as swimming or running in place, but it can be.

Use everyday experiences, Kuczmarski advises.

"I look at my 15-year-old son, John, as he kindly carries bags and bags of groceries and packages out of our car, and I say, 'I love you more than a bunch of bananas!' We laugh. He's still feeling the heavy load, so I add, "I love you more than two dozen oranges."

Higgins, also an actor and official "encourager," has studied a bit about human nature and what makes us laugh. He had a 25-year career in marketing and communications with major corporations, and he's done local and regional theater and one PBS movie. Laughter, he says, can come naturally.

"Start with yourself," he said. "Find something to laugh at in yourself first. Then just act a little bit silly.

IN AN INSTANT
"If your kids are in the Winnie-the-Pooh stage, talk slow and pretend you're Eeyore," he said.

"Do some simple magic tricks. You don't have to be a magician to please little kids."

"Do simple stuff. Funny faces. Make a move that's a little stupid.

"Go out and come back wearing a funny wig or hat. They'll laugh their heads off."

"To learn how to laugh," Mandel said, "observe your children playing with other children — see how easily they smile and don't stay angry for long. ... Play with their stuffed animals and dolls — have that tea party. And puppets work — put a sock on each hand, and you have puppets. You look funny to begin with wearing socks on your hands; the dialogue is up to you."

Laughter is the secret to that sometime elusive "quality time" parents and kids are supposed to have.

"It's a bonder," Higgins said.News

"Laughter is a powerful emotion adjuster. It lightens, soothes, even dissolves difficult feelings," Kuczmarski said.

Indeed, laughter now may make the difference later between older teens and young adults avoiding mom or dad and wanting to spend time with them.

The beauty of it is, laughter isn't something you have to make time for, like driving the kids to soccer practice. It can happen in an instant, anywhere, anytime.

If you drop a tomato at the supermarket and it goes splat, say: "Oh, change of menu: we're having tomato soup tonight."

"Opportunities for laughter are out there," Higgins says, "They're just cleverly disguised as problems."


###